When I was young, my mom would hit me when I was naughty - corporal punishment. I believe many children were raised this way, and I don't fault my mom.  

As a teenager living with bipolar disorder, I turned to violence and aggression to express my anger.  

Now, I know productive ways to express my anger. But I don't always use them at the moment.  

Living with bipolar disorder is a challenge. Like Mr. Hyde, it shows its ugly and destructive capabilities at the most inopportune times. And like Mr. Hyde, it feels impossible to control. Combine that lack of control with how violence was introduced to me at a young age, and you've got the elements for a perfect storm.  

This is not an indictment of my mother. This is a raw entry about a challenge I live with now.  

Now that I've asserted the challenge, my next step is to ask myself, what am I so afraid of that violence is the answer?