When I used to be a bandleader, I had a terrible reputation as being a hard ass. I was. I dedicated my entire self and soul to the music I performed. I expected no less from those playing with me. That was my problem. My expectations did not allow for mistakes.  

Night after night, I demanded of myself flawless execution. There was never a reason not to do it right. One musician even asked me, "Brady, I don't know what you want from me." My response, "I want one thing, one thing. I want it right. Always."  

The problem with execution always being right is by who's standards are we using? Does everyone have the same standard? Did we all have the same education? No. No to all of the above. My failure was that I expected from each performer what I believed right for myself. I projected myself into each team member, and I saw the world from their eyes if they were me. In doing so, I lost would be friends.  

Budding relationships soured, and people dreaded working with me. Honestly, I would dread working with me. Nothing feels worse than feeling isolated aboard a ship in the middle of the ocean: no family, not many friends, and no work colleagues. I don't want you to pity me; I received the outcome I deserved. I've learned.  

Here are steps I take, now, to avoid these missteps:  

• Keep the big picture in mind. "What am I here to do?" "Who am I serving?" "Do they notice the mistake?" "Will it kill me?"

• Empathy. "This person just started; let me check-in at a break." "Person A, how did you feel about tonight's performance? What would you want to change?" "I noticed we didn't execute passage A as fluidly as we could, is there anything I can do to help fix it? What do you think you need to do?"

• Grace. "It's okay." "Mistakes happen." "No one is trying to ruin my day." "The person that made a mistake is someone's child, treat them with respect."

• Patience. "Rome wasn't built in a day." "The journey from where we are, to where we want to go begins with one step."

• Commitment. "I want to be a person in Person A's life that motivates them to do their best work. Afterward, I'll spend some time with them to learn more about who they are and what they want to do."

• Accountability. "I am accountable for what I allow to negatively or positively impact my mood and outlook." "How am I letting the world around me change me?"

I am proud of this failure. My ability to keep expectations in check has improved my relationships with others, and most of all, with myself.