They Don't Try to Suck.

I have been on gigs where I felt the other musicians sucked. Not only that, I would allow my feelings towards others to lower my mood. Now, with a terrible attitude, I behaved in a way that belittled those that I felt didn't put in the work. I was a dick. I wouldn't want to work with me. To those that would not want to work with me, I don't blame them.

The problem was not others and their performance.  
The problem was within me.  

There are others like me. In previous roles, I have led those types of individuals. You may be this person. Thousands of people like us, behave this way towards musicians we feel don't put in the work. Thousands of people like us are wrong. We are wrong because we are not putting in the work to see.  

You Think Only of Yourself

"If I sucked, this is why I would suck if I were this person playing with someone like me."

Think about the sentence. Where's the focus?

"If I sucked, this is why I would suck if I were this person playing with someone like me."

I count four statements that focus on ourselves and not the other. Interestingly enough, when we tend to feel others are hurting us, our brains process information in this way. We do this because it's easy for us to make judgments and decisions if we try to see the world through our lense. What if we switched the statement around?

"I notice that Person A performs poorly. Let me ask them what's on their mind, if they're aware, and what I could do to help them."

For good measure, I might add the following sentence.    

"I notice that Person A performs poorly. Let me ask them what's on their mind, if they're aware, and what I could do to help them.  Then, I'll see their problems and know how to be an answer for them."

No One Is Trying to Hurt You

The other musicians aren't trying to ruin your day. The others are trying to do their best and contribute to the big picture. From you, as their leader/bandmaster/director, they need support and trust. They need the benefit of your doubt. They need you to see their problems and be an answer.  

If you are like so many other leaders, consider using the sentence I suggested. Take a step to see a bandmate's problem and invest the time to be an answer. Empathy helps.