I work in a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (and Belonging) consultancy. I help organizations find, attract, and retain talent inclusively - meaning they’re looking past the systems and networks they know to find people they might not otherwise have seen. It’s rewarding work and no stranger to difficult conversations.In the U.S., the Supreme Court majority made a decision that impacts a woman’s ability to get an abortion. This post is not political - nor is it about abortion. It’s about how we show up.How do we show up? If we’re in a group setting and people feel particularly strong (one way or the other) about important topics (such as abortion), do we share our thoughts? What if our thoughts run counter to the majority?What if what we think is inflammatory?What if people might look upon us differently?What if what we believe is deemed worthless? I have an idea, but it starts with knowing three criteria.Society is not perfect;Most of our cultures prefer to defer or avoid conflict in favor of group peace and cohesion;People, on the whole, are trying to do the right thing.So what’s the idea? Two actually.Mindfully give the option for space - give people the option to chat with like-minded people or in debate and ask if that would be valuable.Check in on people one-on-one. The ideas give teams and people the opportunity (space) to connect with others like them and process their thoughts while preventing others from suppressing their thoughts. Nobody likes to feel like what they believe is wrong, and it’s also nobody’s role to set others “right.” We have so much work to do on ourselves, we need to focus on standing in our own power and beliefs and being a better person for others - and that means showing love.

I tried it out - and I love it. It’s painful, annoying, irritating, stressful, and remarkably calming. It taught me that in order to deal with pain, annoyance, irritation, stress, and all the things that poke and prickle my every day life, I must still my mind and go slow - one step at a time.If you’re used to moving too fast, grinding too hard, scattering too many thoughts, or have kids - consider a barefoot hike… even if it’s short.

Rohan Rajiv writes a blog that I love, and perhaps you might too, “A Learning a Day”.His latest post was about the “Inner Warrior” which was inspired by Scott Galloway’s post, “Advice to Grads: Be Warriors, Not Wokesters”.I recommend reading Rohan’s post and then ponder these questions:What’s within my control? What’s not? How might I waken my Inner Warrior to change the things I can? And,How might I quiet my Inner Warrior to accept the things I can’t?After reflecting, I realized that there is very little about the world I can change besides what I do at this moment - right now. Where does my money go? What do I support through my income?Where does my time go? What do I support through my physical and mental presence?Where does my energy go? What do my labors, skills, and experience help build? Where does my heart go? Who am I helping, listening to, speaking to, and how might I be a better person to and for them?

I was thinking about how musicians experience, deal with, and resolve issues of power on the bandstand to see if there was a way we could better understand power in our lives. What I learned is that we experience power differently. Leader. There is a leader who has the function of organizing and maintaining order of the group. That lead is designated as the leader by the group. That leader may delegate their power to another person for a moment, but the accountability remains with the designated leader.Front Person (setting dependent). There is a person who is responsible for leading the experience of the audience - the front person. That person commands, curates, and cultivates the crowd’s interactions with the band and within the crowd. That person could have a leadership task, but might not be the “Leader”. Side musicians. Side musicians are accountable for consistently and effectively executing their parts and to serve their basic functions in the group. Though they, like the front person, may have a leadership task, they take their cues from the Leader. Things go wrong when any one of the above decide they are more important than the whole. A musician plays too much - imagine someone at a meeting that doesn’t leave room for others;A player attempts to outshine the Front Person - “one upmanship” at its finest. It’s annoying.The Leader power trips - it’s the same in music - tyrannical and abusive (listen to the Buddy Rich tapes).What can we glean from the experience of musicians? How might what we learn impact us now? Every thing in nature has a function - to do something - understand the function of things. Activists, politicians, judges, leaders, team members, executives - they all have functions. Leaders are designated. Someone is designated with the accountability of leadership. Know what your leaders are responsible and accountable for - and hold them to account. (Same goes for you). Talk less and listen more. The most effective bands listen the best.Lift others up. The musicians I call role models know (and knew) how to lift up those around them. Our power is our ability to come alive, bring “our thing” to the culture, be self-accountable for what we decide to do and how, to not speak, and show that love to others.

When you’re making food together with another, it’s literally a combining of culture. Food is intimate. It’s what we put in our bodies - and many of us are careful and thoughtful in our food preparation. Imagine that person who needs to command and control the kitchen, or the one that is a total disaster. But when we invite others to cook with us, we momentarily set aside those differences to make something together - a blend of culture, taste, and traditions. Solve interpersonal people problems by making food together. And if you don’t want to be literal, imagine all of the things you can do that are like that:Solving a problem - puzzles, strategy games, an actual work problem;Make music (if you have that skill);Listen to music;Take a hike and perhaps forage;Exchange books that you genuinely intend to read and discuss;I’m not trying to suggest trite and light activities. I’m suggesting any activity where there might someone might have developed a set way of doing things - a culture. The activities could even spark controversy - discussing religion, politics, or sports. The goal is to find activities that allow you to suspend judgment and deeply see the world from someone else’s eyes. For me, it happens to be cooking food.

There’s a Bible verse that reminded me that progress and outcomes require individual action. “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you: for every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.” - Matthew 7:7-8If the Bible isn’t your thing, perhaps the Tao of Nike might be: “Just do it.”Be it Biblical or commercial - the wisdom is the same: change comes from action. What will you do with what you have in front of you now?

What if we re-thought interviews? What if instead of asking questions like, “tell me about a time that you didn’t tell a customer what they needed to hear and instead told the customer something to make them feel good,” we do this…Give an idea. “Here’s the big idea I have… the question I’m trying to solve… the big hairy and outrageously audacious goal…”Be like Prince: “Now, what are you going to come up with? What can you bring? What’s your thing in this?” Stop and listen. Be curious.That map might work not only for job interviews but for any type of interview: getting others to be part of your project, helping to create enrollment from people who give you money, or trying to get people (kids even) to do things for you. Heck, I might use it with my nephew! Food for thought.Inspired by yesterday’s post.

When you’re surrounded by an overwhelming mess, don’t try to solve for the mess.Just pick up one piece, then another, and then another.

I find that others, and myself, get most frustrated when the person we end up being is different than the person we expect ourselves to be. Are you like us?Instead of getting frustrated, start reconciling the difference. Who do you expect yourself to be at your best and worst? What type of leader do you expect yourself to be?How does an artist like you deal with defeat?How does a friend like you value others in your life? Create that picture in your mind. Then, when things go off the rails - because they will, we’re human - reconcile the difference. Where is the gap between where I was and where I expected myself to be? Then act. Take accountability, improve what you can do, and do it again.That gap between where we expect ourselves to be and where we are is freedom. Freedom to reflect, decide, and effectively act. On the flip side, it’s also the freedom to fail and act recklessly.