Humility is the freedom of pride and arrogance. It is not allowing ourselves to get in the way of ourselves helping others.We can use questions to do that. How?We use questions that seek to expand thinking… instead of criticizing leaders in “got’chya” style questions, like we see poor journalists do, we invite leaders to open their eyes to expansive points of view.The same could be said for those people in our charge.Instead of “why did we miss this?” we ask, “what is our opportunity to catch more things like this in the future?“Instead of asking “why are you falling behind in class?” we ask, “what opportunities do you see to help improve your grades?“These questions remove our need to be better - our pride and arrogance - and instead set up up the person we’re seeking to serve for success.Questions are a form of effective servant leadership.

But try it anyways.When you start a new job and your supervisor is showing you how to do something ask: “Why do we do it this way? What is this task for? Who is it for? Does doing this task help us understand what and who this task is for?“If you ask these questions with a generous heart, you will stop people in their tracks - they’ll have to think.In fact they will get so frustrated that they might ask you to stop asking so many questions. Your supervisor might say, “you ask too many questions, we just do it this way.” And what if you accepted that response?Structures that have top-down autocratic style operations reward compliance. The questions above are not for compliance. They are for understanding the first principles of tasks, a job, and for ultimately identifying who we are serving and why they care.You don’t need to be a revolutionary to make change happen.You can be quiet, introverted, and genuinely curious.Because you care.

A calling is the bridge between our questions and the journeys we take to answer them. Heading a call is deciding to find/create the answer to the question.If you want to get people to walk the path with you, invite them on a journey to answer a question.

Looking back, what you learned? How have you grown? Where did you fail? Where did you thrive?History repeats itself. You will experience moments like this again… more times than you necessarily want. The question is not “when,” but How will you more effectively manage yourself next time?

If you are a leader of a group - meaning that you have people in your charge - you may be making decisions for them. Are you committing them to the right things? How do you know?

Have a clear vision of the outcomes you are trying to create.

Then, before you ever make a commitment, ask yourself:

Prompt: Does the commitment I will make on behalf of my team help them do and build what the vision is for?

Getting to decide what you want to get to do is only part of making a better life. But in getting to decide, you also get to analyze the stakes.Is what’s on offer better for me as a person and for what I might become if I stay the course? Or is it a distraction? An escape? Good decision-making is weighing the stakes and playing your hand the best you can.

The light bulb moment you love to see in people is the discovery of a good question, not a good answer.I have seen that so often in coaching - when people visibly express excitement about the possibility of answering a new question - that motivation for discovery drives action.Your job is to solve less, and inspire more.

Your muscles need to be broken in order to regrow stronger - that’s the gym is for.Your scales need to be slower before they can be faster - that’s what the metronome is for.You need to practice coaching before you can be a coach - that’s what mentoring is for.You need to work on yourself so that you can model good behavior to a kid - that’s what your time is for.Development and growth come from practice.If you stick with it, your practice will give you results.Stick with it.

What is a good and healthy mind for?Does what you’re doing right now help cultivate a good and healthy mind?If not, what small tweak can you make now so that you can cultivate a good and healthy mind? Will you do it? Can you imagine how much more happier and effective you could be if you only made a small improvement?If so, how might you do more of this? Can you leave space for more of this to happen in your day? Where would that space be? What keeps you from adding it now?Discipline your mind through thoughtful and intentional self-reflection.Then, commit to and do the work to make life better.Simple as that.

People like us don’t want to feel corrected, we want to be effective.We want to look back and be able to say: “Hey, I did it, it worked, and it worked better than I thought.“Help people be more effective.Here’s how:Leave space. Let people show you their work and don’t judge.Be curious. Identify where someone is trying to go with their work. Ask questions like, who is this for? what is this for? what change does this seek to make? why are you hoping those you seek to serve will care about that change?Connect the dots. Help someone bridge the gap from where they are now to where they are trying to go.But what if you’re a leader and the work is all wrong?What makes the work wrong? Did the employee create the work for a different audience than what was intended? If so, is that on you? How could you have created better alignment? Is the work of poor quality? What might be improved? Help the person cultivate a sense of good taste.But what if the person is clearly unskilled?Are they doing the right job? Did you hire for the skills you needed? It’s possible that this isn’t the right job for that employee. Perhaps this is a stretch project? If so, that’s okay then. Come alongside that person and help them develop the right skills.People like us want to believe we are doing our best work and that it makes a difference.If you want to get really good at giving feedback, stop calling it feedback.Instead, start calling it “optimization”.Does this help you become more effective?