Alice, from Alice in Wonderland, did not fall down the rabbit hole because she knew what was down the rabbit hole. She fell down the rabbit hole because she was curious. She had a question. What is down the rabbit hole?Asking the right question invites us to go down the rabbit hole and discover. Discoveries upend our concept of homeostasis - they are agents of chaos.You can’t make change happen unless you’re willing to roll up sleeves, get a bit dirty, and see where rabbit hole takes you.Like the Walrus, I enjoy contemplating why the sea may be boiling hot, or whether pigs have wings.

Being on the hook is a generous feeling.On the hook you are accountable.On the hook all eyes are on you.On the hook you could fail.On the hook you could win.There’s a generous tension that pulls at you asking, “are you sure you want to do this? what if you’re wrong?“Well what if I’m right? What if I’m happy? What if making that decision actually helps myself and others? What if I learn something about myself? What if I become a more confident version of me?Too often we’re afraid of being wrong, not having a net to catch us, or unsure of how others react.Not often enough are concerns for our happiness, and what that happiness means for us, and how we might use that to help others.What we’re on the hook for is not what could go wrong, but what we will do when things go right.

“A leader must make whatever horror exists concrete. Only then will people be able to break it apart.” - Abraham Lincoln. Imagine a moment when someone you trusted announced a change. Perhaps they were leaving? Perhaps someone passed away? Perhaps there is a separation? Perhaps someone let someone down? Now imagine what it’s like to be the person receiving that message.What happened?Did I do something?What does this mean for me?What am I going to do?Who’s going to take care of me?What about my family?Does this impact my bonus? What about our home? Our car? Our pool? It’s possible that we go through that process of frantic inquiry because we’re afraid. We don’t know what’s going to follow and suddenly our foundation feels weak. So what can that person we trust, that leader, do? Define the fear. That leader can say:Someone is leaving. I get that this is shocking/frustrating/sad/(insert emotion here) news for you. I imagine others feel the same as you now. That means the following will happen….This is what it means for you now… This is what this might mean for you in the future… Here’s what you can do now to find out more. Here’s what we are doing now to help people like you who are concerned about ___.As a leader, I spend most of my time helping people define fear. Using questions to help them uncover the truth behind what’s going on. If you, a leader yourself, can do that more and more, you’ll find that your team will come together and bond stronger than those that don’t. Define the fear.Give people something to hold on to. Tether them to the truth.

Don’t forget to give yourself time to play this week.That’s something we don’t do enough.Play.

I’ve been writing a good bit about decisions - specifically knowing when to quit, and knowing when to stick.I’m writing about that topic because it’s a fear that we all live with at some point in our lives. It’s real, and we avoid it. An that’s not healthy.You’re going to notice the posts shift a bit as I start to think more about questioning - and how discovery and fear are also two close friends.It’s a heavy but generous time. Thanks for being there with me.

The time, effort, and sacrifice you put into your work - what is the value of that? Can you quantify it in a dollar amount? Can you quantify it into any measurable unit?I don’t think you can.Perhaps each of us have a currency that is unique to us. Perhaps that currency is a chapter of a story that we’re hoping to tell ourselves about ourselves. If that’s the case, then what’s the actual story we’re telling ourselves?Let’s stick it out?Leaping without a net is a bad idea?The promotion is the key to making it matter?If I can just hang on with this person longer, they’ll change… I know they can.The stories we tell ourselves about ourselves are powerful.So powerful that they likely impact our decision making ability.Grit - sticking it out until the end at all costs - isn’t healthy.Knowing who you seek to serve and serving them - and not letting anything keep you from that cause - that kind of grit - that’s the grit that matters.That’s living the good life.

Imagine two people who have been best friends their entire lives - Truth and Fear. They grew up together, sometimes separate, and always come back together as two people who are so glad they have each other in their life. I want to be friends with them. But Fear gets in the way… Fear is hyper-jealous.Fear keeps us from knowing Truth. Whatever Fear can do to keep us from getting closer, it will. Fear will tell us that Truth is out to get us, that we don’t deserve Truth as a friend, and it will question us - “Who are you to know someone so good as Truth? You’re an impostor.“Truth, on the other hand wants to be known. Truth is happy to know you, and show you things that you can’t un-see once you’seen them. But that’s exactly the problem… you can’t un-see what you have seen. And now that you’ve seen how the “sausage is made,” Truth gives you a choice - do something with it, or ignore it.The way I deal with these two is I embrace both.Fear and I are dance partners. I know it’s only trying to protect me from Truth. It’s trying to help me stay in a comfortable existence. It’s trying to keep me from disappointment. I appreciate Fear’s good intentions, though it’s ruinously sympathetic. Instead, I see past it. I look to see what Fear is keeping me from and I advance towards it.Truth is like a therapist. Truth reflects back my life to me in an unvarnished way and asks, “What are you going to do now that you have seen what you have seen?“Fear shows you (in its own way) how you might be more fully you, and Truth creates the friction necessary to decide and act.Both are good friends alone, but are better together.

I have come to believe that the greatest joy in life comes from that moment when you can live in total freedom and with total responsibility.When you realize that you get to decide to move on or move in.When you realize that you get to decide to move up or move out.When you decide to shed a light onto the great unknown to see what’s there. And then, when you decide to take a step.Our greatest responsibility is to live true to ourselves and serve others.You are free to do that if you choose.

It’s not just enough to know if you’re playing the right game. You need to decide what to do once you know.If I find out that my employer wants to operate one way and I want to operate a different way, it is on me to decide if I want to continue playing that game.If I continue, what’s the advantage for me? Perhaps money for my time, but certainly not my happiness.If I continue, what’s the advantage for the employer? A minimal amount of effective work product for me, but not my buy-in.The sunk cost tells us that if we stick with something that we know doesn’t work just because we’ve already invested the time/money into something, it won’t pay off in the end.So what must we do?We must move on. We must quit.We must assert our truth: “This is not the work that matters for me and I can’t effectively serve the people I seek to serve in this capacity. You’re not getting my best, and you deserve someone who will give their best. Let’s make a plan to move on.“I get that’s not possible for everyone. I have been in a place where I dare not leave a job because I depend on the salary. This post is not for that person in that situation. This post is for the person who can get to decide.And for that person, I recommend assert the truth. If you’re not playing the same game, let your leader know and move on.The people you seek to serve need you.They need you supporting them. They need you to find them, secure their permission to let you serve them, and for you to do the work that matters for them.

Think of work. Is the game that your employer is playing the same as you?Your employer may be in “growth” mode because they’re trying to increase valuation, is that the game you want to play?Your employer may be in the “people first” game, but if you’re in “expand increase valuation” are you in the right game?Think of a relationship…Your partner may be thinking of years and decades, but you might be thinking of the next 3 months?Think of friendships…Your friends are happy that you’re close, but you might be thinking of hanging out with them as you used to when you were younger.Think of your health…Your mind craves fast food, but eating it won’t contribute to long term health.The ultimate question is, are you playing to win the battle? Or stay in the war?If you and your employer, friends, partners, or your mind are not playing the same game you want to play - get out and stop playing the game.Sticking it out a little while longer won’t help; that only works when you’re both playing the same game.Quitting - strategically - is often the wisest and best choice.Who wants to play with someone who doesn’t want to play with you?