Imagine two people who have been best friends their entire lives - Truth and Fear. They grew up together, sometimes separate, and always come back together as two people who are so glad they have each other in their life. I want to be friends with them. But Fear gets in the way… Fear is hyper-jealous.Fear keeps us from knowing Truth. Whatever Fear can do to keep us from getting closer, it will. Fear will tell us that Truth is out to get us, that we don’t deserve Truth as a friend, and it will question us - “Who are you to know someone so good as Truth? You’re an impostor.“Truth, on the other hand wants to be known. Truth is happy to know you, and show you things that you can’t un-see once you’seen them. But that’s exactly the problem… you can’t un-see what you have seen. And now that you’ve seen how the “sausage is made,” Truth gives you a choice - do something with it, or ignore it.The way I deal with these two is I embrace both.Fear and I are dance partners. I know it’s only trying to protect me from Truth. It’s trying to help me stay in a comfortable existence. It’s trying to keep me from disappointment. I appreciate Fear’s good intentions, though it’s ruinously sympathetic. Instead, I see past it. I look to see what Fear is keeping me from and I advance towards it.Truth is like a therapist. Truth reflects back my life to me in an unvarnished way and asks, “What are you going to do now that you have seen what you have seen?“Fear shows you (in its own way) how you might be more fully you, and Truth creates the friction necessary to decide and act.Both are good friends alone, but are better together.

I have come to believe that the greatest joy in life comes from that moment when you can live in total freedom and with total responsibility.When you realize that you get to decide to move on or move in.When you realize that you get to decide to move up or move out.When you decide to shed a light onto the great unknown to see what’s there. And then, when you decide to take a step.Our greatest responsibility is to live true to ourselves and serve others.You are free to do that if you choose.

It’s not just enough to know if you’re playing the right game. You need to decide what to do once you know.If I find out that my employer wants to operate one way and I want to operate a different way, it is on me to decide if I want to continue playing that game.If I continue, what’s the advantage for me? Perhaps money for my time, but certainly not my happiness.If I continue, what’s the advantage for the employer? A minimal amount of effective work product for me, but not my buy-in.The sunk cost tells us that if we stick with something that we know doesn’t work just because we’ve already invested the time/money into something, it won’t pay off in the end.So what must we do?We must move on. We must quit.We must assert our truth: “This is not the work that matters for me and I can’t effectively serve the people I seek to serve in this capacity. You’re not getting my best, and you deserve someone who will give their best. Let’s make a plan to move on.“I get that’s not possible for everyone. I have been in a place where I dare not leave a job because I depend on the salary. This post is not for that person in that situation. This post is for the person who can get to decide.And for that person, I recommend assert the truth. If you’re not playing the same game, let your leader know and move on.The people you seek to serve need you.They need you supporting them. They need you to find them, secure their permission to let you serve them, and for you to do the work that matters for them.

Think of work. Is the game that your employer is playing the same as you?Your employer may be in “growth” mode because they’re trying to increase valuation, is that the game you want to play?Your employer may be in the “people first” game, but if you’re in “expand increase valuation” are you in the right game?Think of a relationship…Your partner may be thinking of years and decades, but you might be thinking of the next 3 months?Think of friendships…Your friends are happy that you’re close, but you might be thinking of hanging out with them as you used to when you were younger.Think of your health…Your mind craves fast food, but eating it won’t contribute to long term health.The ultimate question is, are you playing to win the battle? Or stay in the war?If you and your employer, friends, partners, or your mind are not playing the same game you want to play - get out and stop playing the game.Sticking it out a little while longer won’t help; that only works when you’re both playing the same game.Quitting - strategically - is often the wisest and best choice.Who wants to play with someone who doesn’t want to play with you?

If you’re not already a disciplined person, disciplining the mind isn’t such an easy thing to do… says the free spirit.In Meditations, Marcus Aurelius writes:"[To get] the most out of ourselves…you need a healthy mind… not just because we move daily closer to death, but also because our understanding - our grasp of the world - may be gone before we get there.“How do we develop a healthy mind?Don’t accept trash.Or as data analysts love saying, “garbage in, garbage out.“Think of the news…If you leave on the 24/7 news cycle and all of the doom and gloom associated with it, you will start to see the world from that point of view. That point of view may change the way you show up for yourself and others.Think of work…If you engage with people who are always dark and looking at the wrong of what’s going on, you will start to see the world that way. If you’re a leader, that’s dangerous as it will impact your ability to lead your team.Be CriticalInstead of accepting what’s given to us, we must criticize. In Milwaukee, a city near Chicago in the USA where I live, violent crimes have been on the rise. I could watch the news every day and see that headline. I don’t want to do that - I don’t want the news to change the way I see my city, its neighborhoods, or the people around me. Instead, I’m asking a question:“What all I can learn about why people commit homicide? What all can I learn about why seemingly good people commit crime in cities? And, how might I learn more?“Be a SpongeLearn all you can. If I decided to pursue this thinking I would want to learn as many perspectives as possible in order to come to my own conclusion.So how to discipline?When I think of the word discipline I think of it in the negative - doing something daily to build a habit. I think I found a way to see it in a way that speaks to me best…To be ever curious about my word and engage in fierce inquiry about that which people would have me accept so that I can develop my own opinion and serve people best.Don’t accept my word for it though, do your own digging!

Been a busy week… so if you’re seeing this post, it’s because I got a bit busy. I’ll be back in a day. I haven’t forgotten.Which reminds me… sometimes it’s okay if life gets too busy. If you have to pause to. catch up, breathe, and relax - that’s good too. Give yourself that time as well. Nobody pays you enough not to take care of yourself.

“If the world will not go away, then the great discipline seems to be the ability to make an identity that can live in the midst of everything without feeling beset.Being besieged asks us to begin the day not with a to-do list, but a not-to-do list.” - David Whyte, Consolations.You can’t get rid of the noise of the world - the whirlwind. It’s always there, vying - no - fighting for your attention. It’s so hard to give claim your life back. But you can. Through a question.A well placed and well thought question is like a record ripping away from the needle. It stops everything in its track.Then, almost as if we were in a Matrix’esque time-standing-still moment, you get to decide where to go next. Do I stay on this path? Do I go to another? Do I stop? Do I listen? Who am I supposed to be serving? Am I serving them?What are you not doing today?

“Why get angry at the world? As if the world would notice.” - Marcus Aurelius, Meditations.When you go into the restaurant and they’re packed. The wait staff invites you to sit in the back room, they forget to bring you menus, they don’t bring you water, and they obviously don’t care about taking your order. You are hungry, you have a need, and they forgot about you - you are nothing.That’s one way to see the situation. The other is:You walk into a packed restaurant. The wait staff invites you to sit in the back room - because that’s where there is space. They are understaffed, and because of that, it is taking them some time to get to your table and not seem rushed - they want you to feel like they care about giving you good service. They bring you water, they know you’ve been doing your best to be patient, you are likely hungry, and they want to get you food as fast as possible… they are hoping you are ready to order.Both scenarios could be true at the same time.How will we respond when server finally arrives to take our order?We, ourselves, are not that special.But, we can help others to feel special if we choose.

Pro tip for working with difficult people:It is their problem with you, not your problem with them.Enjoy the perspective that comes from that!

How far will you go and how much will you sacrifice to win?How far will you go and how much will you sacrifice to be perceived as being right?What are the stakes of not winning? Not making the sale? Not hitting the target?What are the stakes of doing it all at the expense of yourself and your truth?Managers, music directors, band leaders, teachers, parents, spouses, partners, friends, or humans at one time make the mistake of needing to be right - to win. The feeling of winning though is short lived - we eventually discover there’s a cost.Not long ago, I failed to learn from my mistakes as a leader. Because I felt I was right, I believed others should perceive me to be right too. I would do all I could to influence and manipulate someone’s environment so that they would either give in, or lead me into a false sense of believing they agreed with me. The cost would be my credibility to lead - people lost truth.I won, but only a battle, and at a significant cost to me.I am sure you have been in similar battles. Trying to get your kids to do something that you believe to be right and when they don’t, acting out to make your point. Vibing the musicians in your band because you need to stroke your own ego because you’re not confident in yourself. When your employee corrects you for messing up and you explain away your behavior to avoid being in the wrong.Winning needs a new definition. For me, winning is being invited back by those you seek to serve to play the game again tomorrow.If that was your definition of winning, isn’t it possible that you’re already winning every day? And if you are, how might that change your perception of your life?