Did you ever play in large moving boxes and wonder if they were spaceships? Forts? Igloos?  I feel like I never stopped being a kid. I dream big. I never stop.  Recently I spoke with someone interested in learning more about my experience as a diversity recruiter. They were curious about how to network and recruit black, brown, indigenous - I prefer “First Nations,” and LGBTQIA+ people. I have a problem with this type of thinking - it’s not a box I want to play in.  People are more than their ethnicity.People are more than their sexual identities.People are more than their preferred pronouns or gender identities.  People are more than their veteran status.People are just what they are - and nothing more.  How do I network with these people? I don’t.  I seek out people who believe there’s got to be something more - doers! If they happen to be brown - fine. But I find that people like us attract others who do what we do.  If you see people for more than what they look like, you will attract people who want to be seen that way.  The box is the problem because we, as a culture, have a hard time looking beyond the box.  “Well we have systemic racial inequality, it’s important to hire black people.”  I’m with you. I agree. But that’s not the reason to hire someone who is black. That’s the reason to go out and find someone who wants to do something worth something for someone else and who happens to be black.  I don’t want to be limited by how others see race, identity, or the boxes we check on job applications.I want to live life in the box that is a spaceship, a fort, or a life where we see people as they are, as they want to show up, and we let them know - “Hey, I see you.”  The box is the problem. And it’s a problem because we refuse to see everything it really is, ever was, and could become.

It is Friday morning, the 28th of August. I’m sitting at the table. There’s a small cup of coffee to the left. And to the right, a stack of books. My mind is blank. Crickets are busy. All I can feel is the readiness to do something worth something. Eager to start.

When you’ve taken a job interview, do you notice that it’s often a 1-way flow of information? From you to someone else. It’s not always a 2-way exchange. Why?“At the end of the interview, if there’s time, we’ll get to some of your questions.” Will you?  I am writing this post to you now because I am thinking about people. I am thinking about what it means to help people find more work that matters to them. And I am thinking about how do we help people do more? Be more productive? Do more of what makes them come alive?  And I’m left with one thought - you have to see them first.  But you don’t truly see others until they validate you with, “yes, you see me. I am seen.”  If I had to change one thing about culture now, it would be how we interview. I would require a recruiter or hiring manager to ask the job seeker, “what do you want to get out this conversation? What makes this conversation useful for you?”  And lastly, I would require them to ask for validation at the end. The recruiter would recap what they heard and ask, “do you feel I’ve seen you as you want to be seen?“For me, that’s the real work of recruiting.  It’s also a way to help people feel heard, seen, and validated.  If someone interviewed me that way, even if I didn’t get the job, I’d still walk away feeling like I had an opportunity to do something worth something for someone. I’ll take that.

Write this date down, August 27, 2020.  It was the day that I woke up and smiled.  And not just any smile.  As my eyes opened, a smile came across my face.  I can remember feeling contented, open-minded, and rested.  What did I do the night before?I journaled, I read “Meditations,” I reminded myself what I accomplished, and I created an intention of “sleep.”  I also remind myself of this statement.  With all that’s going on in the world - good or bad - we can only do what we can to move through with equanimity.  No one can breathe for us.No one can move for us.  No one can act for us.  We are in control of only what we can do.  And that’s calming.

I have vivid memories of my last boss. He would call me into his office and offer this feedback. “Is everything okay? People perceive you as aggressive.” “Of course I am okay!” I might have replied. “Yeah, but people still think you’re being aggressive.“Then I would set out and make things better. I would go up to people I thought I had been aggressive with and asked, “Am I aggressive with you? Our boss says I am.” “Uhhhhh, no.” Then I would receive a phone call from my boss.  Now thinking back, I wish I asked my last boss - and every boss or person I was accountable to - is, “What’s one thing you see me doing - or failing to do - that’s getting in my own way?“I got in my own way - going up to people didn’t help.   I got in my own way - being unaware did not help me.I got in my own way - I did not seek out actionable feedback.Asking the question creates the opportunity for actionable feedback. It invites the boss, coach, or person to be direct, open, and useful.When you feel like you’re doing everything wrong, consider asking someone the question. Be curious. Extract useful information. Then, make a change.Inspiration for this post comes from Douglas Stone and Sheila Heen’s book, “Thanks for the Feedback: The Science and Art of Receiving Feedback Well.”

I made pickles the other day. I’m happy I did it.  

To make pickles, you can pour a pickling solution over cucumbers. Or, you can ferment the cucumbers in for 10+ days. I chose to ferment.

This is an exciting topic for a blog, isn’t it?

Well, this isn’t a foodie blog, and I’m not a foodie. But this is a blog about doing things. And the process of fermentation offers a few ideas for doing things better.

Last night my sister sat next to me at the dinner table. She recently started her first “corporate” job and was asking for advice.“I am frustrated that the assistant doesn’t listen to me, I need to spell things out, and things don’t get done.“Her story reminded me of the leadership and communication challenges I experienced in the past. And similar to me, my sister becomes defensive when she’s coached.“I asked for something to be done Wednesday. And I was clear. Why do I have to change?“My sister and I both have an identity trigger. Maybe you, too. This identity trigger says to us, “You are always straightforward, crystal clear, and remarkably intelligent. It’s who you are.” Then when another figure - especially in authority - challenges our identity, this voice goes into defense mode.“What are they talking about? Don’t they know what I’m doing here? Why do I have to change?“I don’t find the process of changing behavior a challenge. For me, realizing that I might not be what I thought was is the challenge.  Don’t let “who you think you are” override “how others say you are.“The others are giving you generous feedback.

But I’m alive. I learned a valuable lesson the other day. I’m not doing all the things I want to do because I lack time. I lack bandwidth. We all have the same 24 hours. But we all do not have the same bandwidth to do things in the same 24 hours. To have space available for meaningful work, identify your priorities, and execute on them. I’ve written on this before. But sometimes having the reminder helps.

If you know a job seeker that uses LinkedIn, and they want to be contacted for jobs, please ask them to share their contact information with recruiters. Why am I posting a rant today? I help employers find would-be employees and would-be employees find employers. But, that work is difficult when the would-be employees don’t give me a way to contact them. There’s a life lesson here. If you want help, you need to give yourself permission to be helped and let others in.