There’s a powerful force out there seizing your attention as I type. Why aren’t you stopping it?It’s a practice that I engage in as well - direct response communication. Also known as “force communication.”  It’s a form of writing seeking to engage the reader.  The title of this blog is a form of direct-response communication. I’m asking if you “know” something, and hopefully, you’re wondering to yourself, “Do I?“The first sentence of today’s entry, “there’s a powerful force out there seizing your attention… Why aren’t you stopping it?In this first sentence, I’m capitalizing on your interest in the title and taking you a step further by making you question your safety.  Pâro, the feeling that no matter what you do is somehow wrong, offers us some insight.Every day advertisers and content creators are finding new and innovative ways to capture your attention.  “Why didn’t you know about…?”  “Isn’t it time that we…?““Trump wants military policing… What are you gonna do?““What can we do to keep the democrats from taking our guns?““Why aren’t you posting more on LinkedIn?““If you’re silent, you’re part of the problem.“Pâro is that feeling of, it’s never going to get better. I’m never going to escape the downward cycle of bad news and self-doubt.  Truly the feeling sucks. But, if we know what it’s for, to cause doubt, we might have an opportunity to do something about it.What can we do?Check-in with yourself.  Ask, “What am I doubting?“Ask, “Where am I heading? What’s my goal?“Ask, “What is this goal for?“Ask, “Is this still what I want to do?“Then, do it.  If a title made you question your diet choices, ask those questions, then do what you feel is right.If a title made you think about your voice in a social justice movement, ask those questions, then do what you feel is right.If a blog made you think about self-help books and whether or not they’re criminal (like this!)…Well, read the blog and tell your friends about it.  You might just help someone else get over their pâro.

In his blog, The Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows, John offers a word I believe is relevant - pâro. (Par-oh)What is pâro?First, watch this video.

Second, tune in for tomorrow’s post about why this word is so relevant to you.

I was recently emailing with a friend of mine.I offered this individual a gift.They responded, “you don’t have to, it’s not necessary.“No true gift is free of risk.My quick analysis is that giving a gift was a disruption.Here’s how I imagine their subconscious to have responded:“I have everything that I need, am I missing something? Oh no! Maybe I don’t! Quick, do I have everything? What do I need? Do we have food?” - Friend’s SubconsciousThen they calmly respond, “You don’t have to, it’s not necessary.“For 1/10 of 1/100000ths of a second, there was a momentary risk. A feeling that they might not have what they need - a disruption. Then, followed by acceptance.  Of course, giving a gift is not necessary.That’s why we give gifts.

“If we are motivated to solve a problem we are willing to face the fear that comes with it. It’s just that a lot of us are uncomfortable with facing the fear and it’s something we must get used to.” - A humanMy thought is this, what is it for? Fear, what is fear for?What does fear exist to do for us?  What have we to gain from our fear?If you’re like me, you probably get scared before doing anything of consequence. To this day, I still get nervous performing in front of people.  Why was fear there?  Fear was there to remind me that what I was doing was important.  Fear reminded me that I cared.So, what is fear doing for you?Is it helping you find motivation?Is fear there to check-in with you?Is fear a way for us to be mindful?Instead of “facing” fear, I’m welcoming it.  It’s obviously there to help.But, like most things, it’s best enjoyed in moderation.

Being in the service of others doesn’t always have to be as poetic as it sounds.  

Serving others simply means being a contributor to someone’s life and making a difference, even if you don’t know how or why.

Serving others steps you into a posture of possibility.  

Generously giving of yourself, skills, ideas, connections, or your ear might be what others need to realize their fullest potential. Then, they may turn around and be generous to you. Imagine what that might do for you?  

I used to lead a large music department for a cruise line. Like many large companies, complicated systems exist to measure as much activity as possible - especially performance.  We’d then slice these metrics a hundred ways; adjust scores when we have too many people scoring too high; and require justification for every rating. It was too much. Admittedly, I wasn’t part of the solution as I often over-complicate.  Now, years later, I’m sitting here and reflecting on the experience. What could I have done differently? What would I do differently moving forward?  I would have asked, “what are scores for?” Determining how well we’ve accomplished a task against a “standard.”  Comparing ourselves against others.Gauging progress over time and learning from failure.But, I think that’s a bit short-sighted if I can be honest. I think I would have asked a broader question, “what is work for?“To me, work is for “communicating an idea to another human through a medium that hopefully changes their life in a meaningful way.“Writing this blog is work. I get to do more of this work every day, and I love it.  Representing your client is work. An attorney communicates the idea of “you’re safe, I’ve got your back” through their problem-solving abilities. It’s their hope that this changes their client’s life in a meaningful way.Being a parent is work. A parent gets to communicate the idea of “you’re safe, I’m here to help you grow into the human you’ll be proud to know” through their actions. It’s their hope that the human in their care will fully develop into one that serves their tribe. So, if that’s work, then “what’s a score for?“It’s invented.  It’s invented by other humans to measure something because that’s what humans do, measure. It makes us “feel” safe to “measure.” But, I submit to you, this is an illusion of your own creation.  If it’s an illusion, then “how do we know what we’re doing is right?“Simple.Give yourself an A. Tell yourself you exceeded expectations. Rate yourself the highest you possibly can. Then, tell yourself what you did to deserve it.  Some might say, “David, that’s just opening yourself up for laziness.“Sure. But, the lazy person doesn’t read this blog - you are not lazy.  You want to do more of the work that matters.   You need others to get out of your way.  You need to get out of your own way.  Today, or soon, write yourself a letter/email/voice memo. This letter will be addressed to you. And, you’ll author the letter as “future you.” Then, in the letter, write all the things you did to earn the “A.““June 11, 2021Happy Birthday, David!A year ago, today, you challenged me to deliver useful content to my readers. You challenged me to do this better than I did it in the previous year. I accepted your challenge. And, because of my efforts, I’ve received an ‘A’ for the work. Here’s what I did…With love and deep respect,David Brady"Maybe next year, June 11, 2021, I’ll take a look and see if I did is what I said I was going to do - that’s accountability. It’s also what a score is for.

It’s almost as if we’re living in a parallel universe. Think about it.A dog can see some color, is more nearsighted, may have a broader field of vision, and 10-20 times more sensitive to motion than humans.  The way a dog sees the world is entirely different than the way we see the world - parallel universes.So if I see the grass as green, and a dog sees the grass as a different color, is the grass still green?   To us, yes. To the dog, maybe not.  Why does this matter to you?How often have you seen the world’s challenges this way?It’s too hard.This is not the way to handle a problem.I have no way out.I don’t know what else to do.That doesn’t make sense.I don’t have the ability.I’m too scared.It will never work.I’m confused.Probably too often. This is how the “Resistant You” wants to see the world - through limitations, common sense, and rules.  But, what if we looked at the world’s challenges like a dog?  What if we expanded our field of view?What if we looked at different aspects of a problem?What if we said, “the rules are all invented, how about I invent new rules?“What if we stepped into a posture of possibility?  You might be wrong. But then again, you might not.  Because you’re seeing the world not as others see it.   But, as you choose to see it.

Do you know what a conversation is for?It’s to move an idea from one person’s mind to another.To move an idea seems simple if you practice the craft of communicating using conversation (see “Being an Artist”).   Then, what makes a conversation difficult?  I think it’s the perceived reaction of the other person.  The way someone else might receive our idea might not be aligned with the way we think someone “should” hear our thoughts. And there, there is the problem - the wrong expectations.We can’t expect that others will understand our position. We can only try our best.  We can’t expect the circumstances of the day will change our listener’s mood to negative. It might not.  We can’t expect the other to hear our words from a posture of possibility and love. They might not want to listen to what you have to say.  But, we can expect what others allow us to expect of them.  We can ask others if “now is the time for us to have a conversation about equity.“We can ask others, “what’s on your mind?“We can share with others, “I’ve got deep thoughts about race relationships, and I’d love to share them with someone who can help me frame up the issues. It’s a vulnerable topic for me. I feel safe with you. Could we talk?“Who knows what the answer might be, but for sure, it will help us navigate what’s next.  You can’t help others until you earn permission to speak.You earn permission to speak when others know you can listen.You receive the benefits of listening when you invite others to share.Step into possibility, be a force for change, share your voice - but first, pause, be still, listen, and turn difficult conversations into effective ones.  P.S. If you hold up the shell close to your ear, suspend belief, and concentrate - you can hear the ocean.

Yesterday, I wrote to you about dogs and how they see the world.  Yesterday, I encouraged you to see your limitations differently.Here’s the thing, to see things differently, you must first realize that what you see now is something you created.Concerned about getting ahead without a college degree?Here’s what you’ve created:An assumption that you won’t get ahead.An assumption that college is the only path forward.An assumption that you are dependent on another for your survival.An assumption that everyone sees the world with these same assumptions.An assumption that you have no worth and no skill without a degree.An assumption that college is the only way for you to receive an education.An assumption that you’re not good enough.You’ve created assumptions.The problem is, assumptions are more often wrong than right.  What if you created new assumptions?If college is for learning, then learning is for growth.If I grow in the areas I’m most passionate about, I’ll be able to help others better.If I am doing more to help others, others might help me.  If others want to help me, they might pay me.I can learn from people that are masters in their field.Many of these people post their content on the Internet for free.I can connect with others like me and do the work of growing together.  Suddenly, what seemed like a limiting path becomes a path of possibility.  But, it’s only possible because we had to realize that the constructs we create in our head are just that - invented.  So, invent new things and do life better.After all, that’s why you’re here.

I’ll admit this has been a wrestling time for me.  A wrestling time because I’ve grown up in a colorful and multi-cultural home. I live in a cultural home. I’ve experienced the world, for good and for bad, the way multi-cultural families experience the world. It’s a privilege to live this way, and it’s this privilege that caused me to take some time to understand the Black Lives Matter movement.My personal stance is Black Lives Matter. I support this cause, this group, and my friends who have been, are now and may continue to be, negatively impacted by racism, prejudice, and despicable exertions of authority in any form.  Additionally, I know that it’s the privilege I’ve had, not as a white man (which I can’t claim), but as a human growing up the way I’ve grown up, to not have to write on this topic. In general, if you read the blog, you’ll know that I focus on helping you do more of the work you believe you ought to do. It’s not so much about the times we live in.  With that said, everybody has a story - be it scary, sad, hurtful, exciting, vivid, or beautiful. And, if we are to do more work that matters for the people who care, we need to learn their stories.  Culture-at-large is slow to change. But, culture-within, your personal culture, can change overnight. Is it worth it?   If you’re a member of my tribe, the answer is “yes.”  People like us, the Artisan Doer, steps into a posture of possibility with love, empathy, and a deep curiosity for others.  We do so by focusing within, being still, listening, and being a meaningful specific to those that need us.  Take some time, learn the stories.Take some time, be present with yourself.  Take some time, set an intention.Take some time, serve another human..Does this mean you need to join a protest? No. Create change in your way.Join a protest;Write a blog;Listen more and speak less;Get involved in community organizations;Put a candidate forward that more aligns with your views;Think twice before crossing the street, ask, “what’s making me cross the street?”Help one another.Write a post on Facebook;Create a video and share it.The list goes on and I’m sure you’ll think of other impact-making ideas. I know this is a bit of a long post, but if you take nothing else, please remember this:There’s real hurt within the Black community. Understand that generations are hurt and oppressed - learn the stories, listen, and be empathetic. You’ll never truly understand, that’s okay, but you learned.We can be a force for change, and change happens quickest within ourselves. Be the change. Take action. Even if it’s small. I love you. I know you’re the kind of person who loves others and shows it daily. P.S. I chose Ricardo Gomez Angel’s photo because it symbolized, for me, transmission. Transmission of hurt, stories, and love. Communication is the act of moving an idea from one human to another. For me, Ricardo made that happen.