Someone I met at a conference does motivational speaking, and the phrase she uses in her speeches is, “you’ve got this peanut.”As silly as the phrase is, it brings a smile to my face when I hear it. It’s 1:00am, I’ve worked my ass off, I’m happy, and as I’m closing down for the day and looking at my projects I’m telling myself, “you’ve got this peanut.”Why don’t we say this to ourselves more?

If you’re helping someone get better - feedback, advice, whatever - give that advice in a way that compels that person to respond with, “thanks for looking out for me, I mean that. Thank you.”What do you say to deliver that kind of feedback?There’s no best practice - no “one” script you should use. It’s a matter of heart. Do you care enough about that person that you want to help them reach their objective? If “yes,” then communicate with that as your intention. If “no,” then reconsider. Great feedback is from the heart and compels forward momentum. Great feedback helps someone realize their hope.

I am able to communicate my thoughts to you, schedule their delivery, and you are able to read them on a device of your choosing at a time of your choosing.We are sentient, conscious, and can look to the sky and wonder. Fire can be fashioned. There are cures for diseases once thought incurable. That we are the only species that we know of that can cure disease through our own innovations.Realizing that we matter.That we can store food products we make.We can smile.That Sarah and I realized the fun in uncovering things things we didn’t know that we didn’t know. (HT Sarah)We can create nuanced humor that only those like us can get.Our culture can be documented and preserved for posterity.That we learn, and can learn how to learn better.That we we will disappoint and be disappointed.That we will sleep.That we wake.That we exist.

A good conversation is art - it leaves the conversants wanting more.

What makes a great conversation?

Empathy, curiosity, and a desire to identify and create mutual understanding of things - a form of truth.

reat conversations bring people together, advance culture, and let us know that we’re not alone.

Love and appreciate the people you get to share great conversations with.

You have limits.Time;Energy; andWill.You also have abundance.Decisions;Diversions; andSpace.Learning from the week: don’t run out of one and overuse the other.

“One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason.” - Oscar Wilde, “The Critic as Artist, Part 2.”When someone cuts you off in traffic (my biggest trigger) we’re tempted to think that the person who cut us off is an asshole. (at least I do). “I can’t believe they did that! Who does that person think they are?”Think about that for a moment. For me to be right, this is what would have to happen.The person driving must notice me (personally) in my car and decide to cut me off.The driver will need to gauge my speed and perfectly execute a maneuver into my lane causing me to brake suddenly.That same person would need to see my reaction in order for them to take satisfaction in it.If that person is spending that much time thinking about how they are going to upset my drive, I am worried that they have too much time on their hands. Do you have that kind of time or energy on your hand? The dictates of reason might suggest that what really happened is the driver didn’t notice me and that cutting me off was likely a mistake. They are focused more on themselves than me. When in doubt about another person, consider giving the benefit of doubt first.

Change is never fun, and it’s scary.Change is also the only thing that is constant in this life - there has been, is now, and always will be changed.If change is such a natural part of life, why are we scared of it? Are we scared to live? I spoke with someone today about change. They’re looking at what’s next for them and they’re at a crossroads. They long for something solid to hold on to. They’re afraid. I asked them, “What can you control?”We can’t control the outcomes of our decisions, but we can control how we make them. In addition, we can control how we respond to those outcomes. Put that way, we might have a lot more control than we give ourselves credit for.

Why don’t we ask, what do you want, more often?

Perhaps the question feels flippant or too blunt?

Perhaps the person being asked the question feels too vulnerable?

Perhaps we’re scared to know the answer?

To make the question less jarring and more palatable we could try to:

• Modulate our tone to ask the question in a friendly manner.
• Pre and Post the question a bit , “Good to connect with you again. What do you want? What’s on your mind?”
• Substitute with another question like, “What’s on your mind?”

We help people better when we know what they want.

The forest brims with asymmetry and a diversity of unique flora and fauna. The drivers on the streets of Manila move in no constrained order but find paths of least resistance to propel themselves forward. What makes a beautiful and bubbly sourdough loaf is that asymmetry and chaotic nature of its crumb structure. Randomness, chaos, and asymmetry are causes for a type of awe that too often eludes our grasp. We find ourselves stopped in our tracks, mesmerized by its brilliance, and wondering “how” and “why.”So what does this mean? Stop, still the mind, enjoy the moment, appreciate the awe of chaos, and try to control a little less and just let things be.

You get better when you can learn, and you learn from feedback. You can only get feedback if you put yourself out in the world. The world gives more to you when you give more to it.