$$Inc(n,h)$$ As my neuroticism, I’ll call it that, increases so does clinical staff helpfulness.

I learn about my world and myself by asking questions. I never finished college, and I’m in my mid 40s and successful, and I survived all this time asking lots of questions. I’m a challenging person, for 93% of people. I’m not sorry.

I want to learn more about my body. I’m curious about my blood pressure, metabolic health, mental health, how the system works, and I’m curious about medical research. I enjoy reading the “literature” and I enjoy learning about what scientists have developed consensus on and where they are pushing the field.

Doctors, I find, are not very scientific.

I come into the clinic. I get rushed in. I take my weight — I have to make the argument that with all my 100 layers of clothes on and having just drank 2L of water I am necessarily more heavy than I was when I just got woke up. I’m taken into an exam room, the blood pressure is taken — incorrectly — and the readings are high. Then the wait.

While waiting, I sit and I wonder. What’s the doctor doing? How could they be more efficient? Why bring me back if I wasn’t ready? What if they could have some kind of x-ray or wearable device that could take my blood pressure WHILE I wait because it would surely, for me, come down.

The doctor walks in, white lab coat donned, brimming with confidence. We’ve never met before, and the dance begins.

Doctor: If I am going to be your doctor, I will give you recommendations and I expect you to follow them.

Me: No, if I allow you to be my doctor you will justify your recommendations and I will make a decision.

I can see the doctor is getting frustrated. I’m not going to get pushed around by the white lab coat. And, horrible things have been done to humans when people just do what they’re told. I’m not buying it. But, I also need this prescription for my uric acid lowering drug to prevent gout flares, so.. to increase helpfulness, I deploy a different tactic.

Me: Doctor, I’m sorry. I have a condition where I don’t pick up on social cues and I tend to say things that aren’t in line with social norms.

Doctor, with now a very pleasant tone of voice: Ooooh, I get it. I’m happy to explain how this works.

And I usually ask myself what’s wrong with me, and I think I need to rephrase, what needs to be wrong with me in order to get what I need?

Last modified on 2026-02-04