Brady Helps

When I think about the artists and thinkers I most admire, they all share a common behavior — the ability to block out the world and focus on what’s in front of them — their work. These people have this obsession, drive, a kind of mania around doing the work — and they tend to describe it in those terms — “I’m just doing the work.” What’s “the work”? My sense is that “the work” equals “output” or “production.” Using their skills and talents to produce a thing and ship it to the world. For comedians that might be jokes. Musical artists, songs. For Woody Allen, in a recent interview with “The Free Press”, it’s writing. Whatever the work is — that’s the focus. Here’s the other behavior — the rest of the world doesn’t matter. Jerry Seinfeld and Woody Allen say, often, “I really don’t care about x, y, z issue… I just care if it’s funny… if it’s funny, I care… if it’s not, I don’t care.” For those two, people who engage in the business of funny, what’s funny or not matters — that’s their work. In the interview I referenced, Woody Allen is asked about social issues and his response is essentially — “I just focus on the work.” To an extent, I think you could argue that just being focused on the work in front of you denies you the opportunity to see what’s happening around you. You could also argue, that obsessing about what’s around you denies you the opportunity to focus on what truly matters — the work. There’s a middle ground. Your ability to produce an output that resonates and matters is dependent on your ability to know the needs of those you seek to serve. To an extent you must be able to focus and create WHILE stopping to look around you and be curious AND THEN get back to work. Start the work, stop to watch, then continue to work.Don’t get caught up in what’s happening around you. Be wary of your inputs. Focus on what matters and what you can truly control — what you do with the time you have now.

Andrew Nickes, a young person, asked Warren Buffett at a Berkshire Hathaway shareholder meeting:If you had one more day with Charlie [Munger], what would you do with him?Buffett responds with his thoughts on Charlie — how they are similar and different. He then goes on to say that at 99.9, the world desired an opportunity to meet and know him. But, if you asked Charlie who he wants to have dinner with, Charlie would respond — he’s met them all. Charlie, famously, read tons of books and considered reading books a form of “spending time” with the author. Warren then suggested to Andrew that he should decide who he wants to get to know, and then don’t wait until the last day, start tomorrow to get to know that person, and get to know that person every day after. We don’t know the day or the hour that our last moments will arrive. It makes no sense to wait until that moment to begin to learn about our world and others. I agree with Warren, why wait… just start.Fascinating response all around.

I’m not sorry for all of the geometry writing… have you ever read Euclid’s Elements? People interested in classical math will read the definitions, axioms, and learn to write formal proofs using postulates. I’m not that person. I’m interested in reasoning and learning how these ideas can be translated into other things. For example, a surface.Surfaces are things which contain breadth and length, and the edges of surfaces are lines. Remember that lines are breadthless lengths. A plane surface is a surface that sits evenly within straight lines — straight lines have points, making them finite. People who do creative acts often look for the blank canvas to create on. The blank canvas represents infinite possibilities without limits — much like a surface. Corporate types call it “blue sky” thought. Euclid might call this — thinking on surfaces.I prefer plane surface thought. Thought that involves thinking within finite lines — constraints. Constraints are like force multipliers on creativity — it’s no longer about all the possibilities it’s now about all the possibilities within bounds. It’s that type of environment where out of the box ideas are best generated! Watch Apollo 13 and you’ll see tons of examples of plane surface thinking. Next time you’re confronted with a problem that requires you to make a solution think about your space. Is your ability to create a surface without limits? Or, are their straight lines — constraints — bounding you? Likely, you have constraints, and that means your next act is to understand those constraints, embrace them, and begin thinking what’s possible?

Euclid on lines….Lines, without points at their extremities, are lengths. Imagine a world of lines everywhere and those lines appear to have no beginning and no end, and they go on to infinity. Such is a line.If a line has extremities and those extremities are points, and that line sits evenly between those points, the line is considered a straight line. It’s nice to define straight lines, I imagine they’re useful for many industrial applications. Outside of industry, I rarely see a straight line. Musical lines sit between the beginning and end of a phrase. Those lines are rarely straight, they move up and down and varying dynamics. The line that is your life starts with birth and ends with death. Similar to a musical line, a life experiences ups, downs, and varying dynamics. While hiking, nature will present you with lines of trees, flowers, and more… and rarely are those lines straight. A heart beat, doesn’t move in a straight line until it stops. And at that point that it stops, their appears a seemingly breadthless line without an extremity, until the machine is shut off.

Someone asked if we think it would help if they visited my dad. How do you answer that question?

Dad has Alzheimer’s and he’s dying, would your visit help him die faster? Die more calmly? Remember more suddenly?

Perhaps that person would like to resolve some things for themselves on that visit. Maybe the visit would help them?

At the end of this process the family is not going to sit down and say, “you know, we really shouldn’t have had $\text{Person A}$ visit, it didn’t help, next time Dad passes, let’s ask $\text{Person A}$ to show up a bit earlier.”

Along the same lines, I hear conversations about when to tell $\text{Person C}$ about Dad, or what to say to $\text{Person D}$. Or, wait to tell $\text{Person E}$ until you’ve told $\text{Person Z}$.

Come on!

Again, is the family going to sit down and optimize their public relations plan for the next time dad passes?

Impending death creates uncertainty… and uncertainty, for some, is correlated with an expression for more control. Perhaps control leads to certainty. However, humans will always do what’s in their best interests, and what’s in a human’s best interests are not necessarily being compliant with another human’s need to control. And if that’s not philosophical enough — the irony is that death is certain for all of us!

Therefore, because death is certain, and someone in hospice will die relatively soon (unless your Jimmy Carter), it’s probably best to try and control only the things you truly can control — yourself. And it’s probably best to allow things just to happen as they’ll happen. When it’s all said and done, the grieving will grieve, they won’t re-examine their execution and optimize for the future.

As my Dad would say, with his arms raised and in an exasperated tone —

“JUUUUST keep it SIMP-LE!”

I think about my breakdown earlier this year. And, doing my post mortem, I realize that I put too much pressure on myself. You might do this too —

— too much pressure to get things right the first time, to succeed the way I think I should succeed, to be in a place I think I should be, to do the things I think I should do, to respond the way I think I should respond, to activate the potential I think I should activate.

I came to realize that the best thing I can do is lean into should. Comedians, like Conan, do this all the time, and I see this as a strong strategy. Here’s an example:

Person: David, you’re going bald.

Me: Oh, my gosh, I know.  I’ve started using the reflection of the sun off my scalp as solar power.  I know I’m going bald, and no, I know I’m not using my scalp as solar power.  However, I’m leaning into the discomfort of baldness by making that discomfort my friend — using it to bring a smile.  

Another example:

Me to myself: I should be able to know these numbers and rattle off the report.

Also me to myself: Oh my gosh I know, I should also be able to pick the trillion dollar winning power ball too… 

I’m responding to a “should” with an “absurd should.” And the absurd should defangs the toxic should (stop saying should.

Generally speaking, I have a decent self-esteem. I know who I am, what I’m good at, what I’m not good at, and I’m self-aware of myself most times. I know I’ll be okay. I know all I have is now. I feel pretty good about myself. And because of that, I believe there is room to not taking myself so seriously.

I’m reminded of the Joker’s comment from Batman — “Why so serious?”

Perhaps the takeaway is — when you present yourself with a toxic should consider asking yourself the question why so serious and give yourself the gift of an absurd should.

Well meaning people ask: how is your dad?

I have no idea how to answer that question without sounding like a jerk. I dread answering the question. I know myself — I speak bluntly and directly more often than not. I know that I see things pretty matter-of-factly, and I know that doesn’t come across well.

When answering — all I can say is: He sucks. He’s dying. He’s lost his mind, and he’s not fully aware of what’s happening to him. And, it’s awful. Thanks for asking.

I mean every word of it, including the thanks for asking. I appreciate that people care. Though, most people register it as sarcasm, but it’s not meant to be.

Well meaning people also ask: how are you doing with it?

hate answering that question too. I answer — I began mourning the loss of my dad years ago. It’s painful to watch him go through this process. In the end, I made my peace with it a while ago, and this is just a natural thing that happens, and it will come for you and I at some point. So how am I? I’m existing, and I’m okay, and I’m going to be okay. That answer screws people up — they always follow up with a doubting, are you sure?

Yes, of course I’m sure! If I wasn’t sure, I would use different words to describe my uncertainty. However, I am certain I will die, I am certain I am okay, and I am certain that I’ll be okay.

In the end, I appreciate people’s intent behind the questions. They’re checking in. They’re wondering if they can help. They’re offering support.

What they miss though is something rather important — they are expecting me to answer them as if I was them talking to them.

How many times did I use “them” versus “me”? 4:2.

It’s not really about me — their interpretation of my response is about them.

And, unfortunately, I can’t manage for them.

Euclid writes that a point is that which has no part. Well if something has no parts, it cannot be divided into other parts… and if it cannot be divided into any other parts, because it doesn’t exist? Another definition suggests that a point is the point from which magnitude increases. In astronomy, magnitude means brightness. In mathematics, magnitude means size. In seismology — energy. Could it be said that a point is nothing unless the person receiving the point assigns an amount energy/value/size/importance to that point? What is the point of this post? To some it might be nothing… but to me, it’s that a point, like art, matters in the eye of the beholder.

Burt, Hal, Dionne — and later Babs — ask the important questions of the listener:What’s it all about? Is it just for the moment we live?What’s it all about when you sort it out?Are we meant to take more than we give? Or, are we meant to be kind?Are the kind foolish and the strong cruel? And if the strong be cruel, do you lend on a golden rule?The song asks the ultimate question — what’s life about? And is it about hoarding what’s yours or giving all you can to serve others? And if you hoard, what are you missing that causes you to keep? Perhaps it’s love — true love — the feeling of being loved. I love the last line:"When you walk, let your heart lead the way. And you’ll find love any day, Alfie.”Enjoy:

Disclaimer: I’m not writing a religious post!

At church today, the priest spoke about suffering — “suffering is a means to life.” He also said, “death is not an end, life is changed through death, it continues.” The religious idea is that we are promised eternal life by Jesus.

I enjoy researching consciousness. In the last 90 days, I found articles theorizing that consciousness could be non-local — source. The idea is that consciousness may be some quantum entangled thing and it might persist long after our bodies die. I’m ultra-simplifying and robbing you of the nuance — for more, read the link.

Here, I have two ideas — one religious belief and one scientific theory. Both ideas point to the idea that our consciousness might/does survive our death. Perhaps this is where the ideas of angels or spirit guides come from? Maybe this is the experience we have when we believe our ancestors are talking to us? Maybe this is what our parents mean when they say “grandma and grandpa are looking down on you and watching over you.”

As I come to terms with the hospice situation of my dad, I experience comfort knowing that both ideas might be true. That death isn’t the end… it’s just a change. Nothing comes from nothing, everything comes from something… the end of one begins another.