The way to win a debate with your friends is to do this one thing.

Don't try to win!  
You won't! 
It's not worth it!  
Trust me!

Having said that, if I were in a debate with a friend, here's what I'd ask:

• What has to happen for you to change your mind? 

• What standard of proof, from what source, is sufficient for us to accept that something we're sure wasn't true, is true?

I don't know if you've noticed, but we're in the age of passive-aggressive, or straight-up aggressive online debate.  

Suddenly our friends are infectious disease experts, political scientists, strategists, global warming experts, sociologists, or anthropologists. I know there's a subtext in how I phrased my last point.  

If you're like me, you might be sick of it.  

I'm sick of seeing friends put themselves and their beliefs out there and then get trolled, or worse, pulled into arguments where neither side seeks common ground, but rather, to dig in their heels.  

Here's my take:

• We all have different beliefs, stories, and lives - see sonder.

• Culture improves when we adopt the posture of curiosity and possibility - let's look to learn from each other and be fascinated by what we discover.

• If you're going to assert a belief, be willing to have it challenged. And be okay with it. Consider asking the questions above to those that would challenge you, and truly, to yourself.  

If I've learned anything from my time on this earth is that winning doesn't matter. This thought comes to you from a person raised by fiercely competitive lawyers. They bred an even more fiercely competitive son.  

The questions come from Seth Godin's recent blog post, check out his work.
And, the thoughts on winning come from personal failures and learnings as a human.
Please, help others.